This is where I will talk about my thoughts on life and other things
April 25, 2025
Today I was thinking about parenting and while I love being a parent, it is hard and often very lonely work.
I am now the very proud parent of 4 young adults all of whom are doing well and living their lives, but it wasn’t always easy. I spent many nights praying for 7pm to roll around so I could put them all to bed and just sit down for a moment, maybe actually pee without 4 little bodies pressing up next to me, maybe complete a full thought, or eat something besides soggy goldfish. I love my children beyond my ability to express, and I lost myself to them. I lost who I was other than their mom. I forgot what I wanted, what I enjoyed, what I wanted to be when I grew up. I love them and I forgot to love me.
My parenting journey was not typical and so much of it was so brutally hard. The specifics are not necessary to know but I felt isolated and that no one else could possibly be experiencing what I was. I lost friendships-no time to keep them going. There were days that were magnificent and days I was barely keeping my head above water.
Now that I am, for the most part, on the other side I have the gift of hindsight. I would not change having my children or being a parent, but I would demand more for myself, maintain my friendships, and remind myself of the things I found joy in. I would sacrifice myself for my children anytime but wish I had not sacrificed myself when I did not need to. All those times I thought they could not possibly survive without me, they could. All those times I thought only my way was the right way, it wasn’t. All those times I said “yes,” I could have said “no” more often.
It is interesting to think about what stories I was telling myself during those times, the stories that carried over from my childhood, the stories that kept me small and made me believe I couldn’t ask for more, the stories that kept me from remembering my joy and blocked my path. I try to make friends with those stories now, to sit down with them and remind them that I am strong and I’ve got this.